Bigger fish to fry

Many of us are suffering from post-Dasai Tihar withdrawal symptoms. This is a recognised psychological syndrome wherein an individual is forced to come to terms with the reality of everyday life after all the escapist wining and dining. Now, we are just whining, as we chew the cud.

After putting all the country’s problem in the back burner for a month, we have been forced once again to deal with garbage piling up on the streets, the polluted air, smelly rivers, a CJ who wants to stick around, and (as if the Nepali nation state did not have enough on its plate) a huge sinkhole has opened up on the road outside the  Parliament Complex. Good thing the House has been suspended, otherwise the Hon’ble Speaker and his SUV could have been sucked into the netherworld and come out at The Hague.

On the slightly brighter side, Nepal is governed by the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, which means it is full of surprises. So don’t be taken aback if things get even worse from now on. The ruling collision may call for early elections, that means there is a possibility we will elect more contractors as mayors, and serial killers as representatives to the Federal Parliament.

If all this is making you anxious, try reducing your caffeine intake, go on a 2-week Vipassana meditation, schedule an acupuncture session on your cerebral cortex, or dart yourself with a handy tranquiliser gun meant to knock out an Asiatic One-horn Rhinoceros.

The other way to take your mind off mundane day-to-day worries about politics, pollution and potholes would be to fret about much more frightening things. See, if you consider impending global catastrophes, all the uncertainty about the Nepali Congress General Convention will seem far away.

Here is a list of much more scary stuff to agonise about:

The Climate Crisis:
Kathmandu’s unbreathable air will pale into insignificance if you can get yourself worked up about melting polar ice caps, Iceland turning into Greenland, the Maldives becoming the first Underwater Republic, Khumbu Icefall melting into Khumbu Waterfall.

Asteroid Hit:
There are a couple of million near-Earth asteroids out there just waiting for the opportune moment to drop in on us. Brood twice a day (preferably while attending to a call of Nature) over the likelihood of Planet Earth being hit by a large haemmorhoid. Nepali politics will never spook you again.

Is There a Parallel Universe?
Are we alone in our Milky Way Galaxy? Are there intelligent lifeforms on other planets that are smarter than some of the Asses we have here on Earth? Would some of these aliens be hostile? Are there parallel universes, and if so, how many? Clearly, we have bigger fish to fry than whether the MCC is ratified or not.

Nuclear Winter:
The Doomsday Clock was readjusted to four-to-midnight as China tested its hypersonic missile last month. A full scale nuclear exchange would fry the Earth not just once, but many times over. Think about that, and relax. That way, not even climate change will ever worry you again.

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