When Covid-19 hit, the hardest thing to do was staying at home. I was like a prisoner in my own apartment, an experience shared by so many. Suddenly, everything that gave me energy had been taken away from me and it left me feeling very irritable.
I started to run out of patience and had begun to vent my frustration on my partner. I knew it was unfair. I was being selfish in focusing concerns solely on myself, on how Covid-19 was affecting me. It took me some time to realise how much it had impacted the whole world. Switching the focus from myself to the broader picture helped me have a more mature view.
I was affected by the sudden changes and the restriction on my freedom, but my partner stood by me. He was always very patient, and I think that helped me build my own patience over time. We realized that it was our decision whether to work on the relationship or walk away, and that there was no right or wrong. It was a choice.
An article published by John Hopkins Medicine stresses on broadening your support system instead of heavily depending on your partner for all your emotional needs because everyone has their own threshold. We all come with individual needs. Speaking to my parents and friends helped immensely during my most difficult times. Never in my life have I been so grateful to the internet for keeping people connected.
It had always been easier for me to complain and find faults in everything, but Covid-19 taught me to introspect. Instead of focusing on the negative, I started working on myself through yoga and healthier habits and better communication.
Humans tend to show the worst side of us to the ones who love us the most because we take them for granted. In a recent conversation I had with Dr Krista Rajkarnikar, Chartered Counselling Psychologist, she told me that the pandemic has actually given newfound hope to relationships.
“It is fairly early to have a more specific response to this question during this time, however, studies have suggested that it is not all bad for relationships. Despite research having presented higher divorce rates, and various lockdown-related interpersonal difficulties, people have also shown higher rates of care, empathy, concern, and love for family and friends during these pressing times,” she said.
The support people received from their families as Covid-19 took a toll on many aspects of people’s lives, has stood out. The Washington Post published an article discussing the findings of a recent Monmouth University poll where most people were still satisfied with their relationships despite the stress of the pandemic that affected many other aspects of their lives.
The poll showed that 51% of the respondents expected their relationship to emerge stronger from the tests the lockdown had put them through and 1% said their relationships would get worse. Although numbers and findings are reassuring, it is also important to remember that people aren’t numbers. We aren’t statistics. It is important to focus on individual needs at this time, because we all suffer differently. Even if statistics say that the majority of people are doing better, it doesn’t mean anything to individuals who are not faring well.
In the end, it all comes down to choices, and I think that’s what the pandemic has taught us– do we want to hold on or let go? It is up to us to shape the way things progress in relationships, because relationships demand they be nurtured. From my reading of people in my life, I have seen that the pandemic is helping people appreciate what they have instead of run after what could be and take responsibility for their actions.
I know couples who had to postpone their weddings due to the pandemic and they have all said that despite the stress and anxiety of having to replan the wedding, their relationships have gotten stronger. Before the pandemic set in, people with jobs could hardly make time for their loved one, but having more time together has also helped many couples re-bond.
These are challenging times and despite the assurance we have received from the rolling out of vaccines, uncertainties abound. It helps to be more patient and understanding of others as well as of ourselves. This is not an easy time, and relationships take work.
We spend so much time paying attention to other people’s lives, celebrity scandals, and our phones that we must remind ourselves to be fully present when we are with the people we love. We have a desire to be heard but we also need time to listen. It is also important to realise when it is an unhealthy relationship and when it is time to walk away instead of trying to keep fixing it.
I learned the value of nurturing my relationship by listening to people who were in healthy relationships. In most relationships, it is easy to find faults when you go looking and in the same way, it is also easy to find solutions if that is what you want.
A healthy and happy relationship gives people the emotional strength to handle life’s various stressors much better. Always remind yourself that you are choosing to stay in a relationship because it makes you happy and because it makes you a better person. The companionship and emotional support are essential for your mental well-being.
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